i

okay i know that i’ve been absent for a really long while. but ya, i fail at writing. so i only write when i really want to.. or when i just want to say something but can’t bear to (to someone, to anyone).

anyway, i was just sharing with 2 friends abt certain people that i dislike (which i think is such a ‘light’ word to use) and slowly, i realised that i’m angry. i’m so angry until dislike is such a light word to use.

and towards the end of our conversation, i found out something slowly.. i am actually similar to the people that i dislike.. in a sense..

1) i made promises, 2) and i never got to fulfill them.

i am really angry with myself. for not showing enough care and love to people who loved me unconditionally. now that it’s too late, it’s… just too late.. i know laziness was probably a factor. but now, i don’t think that i lazy.. i think that i’m worse than lazy.. i think that i just can’t be bothered now because i can’t seem to move on.

i dont even know if i’m making any sense now. okay i shld go to bed.

This is almost goodbye.

but not for good i miss this place too much to say ‘yong bie le’. haha!

my heart is heavy but i know i still have to leave anyway.. i miss my family already (even though we’re almost all the time in diff countries). i miss my friends too – especially the girls.. actually the boys too. but somehow, i dont feel like crying or tearing or anything like that. maybe it’s my selfish nature.. hahah! i cry when people leave, but i dont cry when i leave. it’s cause I want to.

am looking forward to school and meeting new people and hoping to establish good relationships with the people there. i miss my frens there too. olivia! im cmg with ur chickens! heh heh heh. it’s so nice to hear how they are calling to double,triple and quadruple check on when i’m flying, what time i’m arriving, and also to keep saying WEAR MORE CLOTHES! IT’S VERYYYY COLD! awwwwwww. but yeah.. back about the people in singapore.. i’ll miss you guys terribly.

<3,

Jess.

God is listening. He always does.

I never ever felt that I needed God all the time. never. Only until recently that I, truly, know how to give all things unto Him. Not just my problems. I thank Him for my problems now too. I really do. He really gave me a tight slap. God is great, God is good (and we thank Him for our food). I can feel it. I mean.. I know myself. I know when I’m putting on an act, and when I am not. I know when I’m being real. I know when I’m just being ‘PR’. This time, I’m truly amazed. Very.. very.. very.. thankful..

Perhaps it only took me 365 + days to realise that some things cannot be undone. But now, I know.. I have my memories and there were more good than bad (if I had to count). So all is good.. still..

God knows what I’m thinking. He knows yours too. God has His plans. He answers some of the very tough questions which I have always thought that it’s impossible and then shows me how amazing He just is.

A friend told me that God didn’t answer her prayers regarding some matter. I know He heard you. He just probably showed you something else which is better for you and you (us) being blind, just didn’t see it.

some people

some people just don’t know when to shut up. i mean, who are you to poke into my business when i’m not even close to you? for goodness sake. get lost. im not interested.

Winter brings warmth to my heart.

Why do I say that? It’s because I’ve been receiving text messages, emails, short calls etc – telling me to wear more layers, build up my immune system. Some people even offered to give me their coats so that I can have more variety and style to choose. It’s also good to know that friends who are already over there are more than ready to welcome me. I think I can settle down really quickly.

The experience today here in SG, at the High Comm of Msia, made me realise something – I-still-have-to-queue-here. So I spent 4 hours in the morning which included collecting the form, fill it up, queue again to take a queue number and then wait… and wait… and wait… and something happened that made me really pissed but I shall not repeat it here. I made a mental note to never again renew my passport here in SG. I still prefer doing it back in Da HomeTown.

So when am I really leaving? I say I do not know because the ticket is not confirmed. But more or less, it is la.. So let me start counting down..1,2,3,…24 more days to Melbourne! Swine flu is not going to stop me but I would still love to see it stop spreading la!

Melb peeps! I’m cmg very soon!

It should end.

Swine flu. What’s the reason for your stay? To kill? I have no idea and I don’t like you. By all means come if you must. But please.. no babies..

Finally

I don’t like ur hair and I hate ur guts.

Gg to KL tmr and then to SG on Sunday. I can’t wait to get all the paperwork done. I will see u my melb friends very soon <3

Feeling the blues

I am tired. I’m not sure what or who I’m tired of. I want to go home to my own room for once I’m feeling -like that-. I think technology hasn’t done me any good since I knew of its existence. I’m gonna turn them all of for a day soon. Shall pick a day when I get back to Singapore. If I like it, I’ll do it more often then. I get easily pissed off nowadays and I’m not sure of many things in general. I forget about issues/matters/stuff that I need to remember really easily and that pisses me off too. Brain juice come on!!

Maple Cafe

Am having lunch here. Feels good cause they provide free wi-fi. The past 3 days were okay. Couldn’t sleep much but still – ok.

Jet-set

I’m leaving later for kl for a night and off I go again. I can’t wait to see bella once more I have not packed my bags and I’m not feeling anxious or anything. Bye!

Edit: well, to tell the truth, I’m very sick of flying.